BE Still Heather

School has just started and I'm not exactly where I thought I would be right now.  I had hoped to get a teaching position at one of the nearby schools.  I was a teacher for 12 years and then stayed home with my children for the last 9 years.   Last year both of my kids started school and I truly felt like the Lord was telling me to get myself back in the classroom. I know my checkbook was telling me it was time.  I began praying that the Lord would place me where He wanted me to be this fall. I asked for the Lord give me something that would not just be a good fit for me, but also for my family. I went ahead and subbed in the local schools, updated my teaching certification, applied for dozens of teaching positions in the area.  I even was called to interview for one.  In an area where there are 100's of applicants for each teaching position I knew my chances were slim, but I was hopeful. Plus, didn't the Lord tell me to go back to the classroom? I felt sure He did, but in my old age I have come to recognize that sometimes it's not about the finish line, but more about the journey.

I'm not sure the reason, and I might never know, but currently the Lord does not want me to be a full time teacher. I know this because I know God and what He can do.  I did all I could on my end, re-certification, substitute teaching in schools I was interested in.  applying for open positions, sending emails and resumés to principals, and prayer, lots of prayer.  The Lord did not provide the teaching position for ME.  Someone else has it, and I wish them the best.  My controlling personality has settled down quite a bit from years ago.  I am content in knowing that the Lord has me where He wants me. I want Him to show me what He wants next for me & for my family. I know He always gives His best. It's really hard because when you aren't where you think you should be it's really easy to believe the lies of the enemy.  in a 3 minute conversation, okay, perhaps more of a whining session than a conversation, I shared with Craig my disappointment, I confessed that I thought I was a loser, an awful wife and mother, no one wanted to be my friend, and,  I might as well throw this in there too, no fashion sense whatsoever. Craig reminded me that my feelings of rejection were focused on me instead of looking to the Lord and who He is.   The truth is the road we walk is full of stumbling places and if I don't keep myself in check I find myself flat on my bottom in minutes.

Here I am still trying. I'm still hoping for a teaching position.  I've subbed some more this year and I am even more convinced of my love for teaching and students. I'm not sure the Lord will bless me with more than a handful of teaching opportunities in the classroom this year, and being in the waiting place is hard...I have to think hard about purpose in the middle place.  One would think that after all these years I would have mastered the waiting place.  I waited a long time to meet and marry my husband. I've waited for jobs, children, and direction. Again, I'm reminded that God calls us to very simple things in obedience to Him.

He has told you, O man, what is good; and what doe the Lord require of you, 

but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God. 

Micah 6:8

It's really important to me that I pray with my children about these things (& many other things too). It was good for them to hear that the Lord did answer our prayers. He answered them with a no & we will trust in Him because He is trustworthy. He is faithful!
We hold on to truths in Jeremiah 29:11-13

For I know the plans I have for you, "declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.  Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. 

In the summer of 2000 I was finishing up graduate school. I had taught elementary school in Miami (my hometown) for 5 years and I wanted to get my Master's degree. I returned to my alma mater in South Carolina. I had been interviewing for jobs in the local area with no teaching offers. I remember talking to one of my professors and wondering why I hadn't been hired.  While turning in my final exam in my last class the professor, who was just there to teach that one class, asked me what my plans for the fall were. When I told her I wasn't sure she asked me to apply to the school she was affiliated with.  It was in another state.  A state that wasn't even on my radar let alone on my list and sure enough that is where the Lord had me teach.  I moved to a place where I didn't know a soul in the entire state and began teaching. It was wonderful.  I felt like the Lord had given me a gift with a big silver bow attached.  Two years later I met my husband...eventually we had two children, and here is my life.  It was NEVER my plan to come here, but I was ready to follow Him where He would take me because God always gives me His best.

Last spring I went to a jewelry party and bought this bracelet.  It reminds me what I need to remember on daily basis as God is working out His best plan in my life.  His best for me & my family.

Be still and know that I am God. Psalm 46:10

I'm not where I thought I would be, but I'm right where I should be. 

Be still, Heather!

King Bluey went Ka-bluey! For the love of the Ol Blue Van!

A few weeks ago the girls & I were in a minor car accident.  We were hit from behind by a crying high school girl.  I'm not sure if the accident made her cry or it was something else, but she sure was crying when I got out of my van with that "what DID YOU just DO?" look on my face.  Quickly realizing that she was a person & not some wild animal or a force of evil that would have to reckon with me I assured her, as I picked up my Chrysler symbol that had fallen off the car,  everything was all right, we were all right, and she was all right. Then I told her I had to call the police to have an official report...but everything was going to be ALL RIGHT.

I call the police to file a report for even the most minor of accidents.  I think it's from my years of growing up in Miami. It is better to have an accident documented by the police than to have to deal with the following on your own:

These actually happened to me, a close friend, and a family member...

1.  A man yelling at you because he hit you from behind because YOU were going to fast.  Ummm, its quite obvious I wasn't going fast enough because you hit me...from behind...3 times.

2. A car accident where the people in the other car drive off leaving you alone thinking you are dealing with a hit and run, only to have them return with a completely different car...and some different people as a bonus. 

3. an accident that might even had been your fault, the police come to make a report.  When the insurance company contacts you for information they say that the other people in the accident are claiming 3 people were in the car instead of the just the 1 person who was in the accident. It's okay though, the other driver is just suing the insurance company for $100,000,000. In case you don't feel like counting all of those zeros that's 100 million dollars (insert Austin Power's laugh here). This actually went on for years even though there was a police report filed with the accurate number of vehicle occupants. 

A friend comes to pick up my girls, the police come, reports are written, tears are dried, and we are all on our happy merry way.  I was sure my 10 year old van was just a little crumpled in the back and could be fixed, maybe not perfectly, but probably easily. After all a saggy back end on my old van wouldn't be the worst thing, right?

WRONG!

The van is totaled.  It had something to do with cracks, and foam, and fires, and all kinds of words I didn't want associated with a vehicle my family and I ride around in for a good portion of our lives. 

The insurance company asks us to come clean out our personal belongings from the van & collect our insurance money to put toward a new one.  So, I take my 2 daughters and head to the collision center.  My youngest is quite upset.  She gets attached to things.  Yes attached to people, but things too. She is very upset about the van. The van she named Bluey, or rather King Bluey.  She wants to know what will happen to it.  This is the point my oldest daughter explains what happens to a salvaged vehicle and then goes on to elaborate on organ donation.  By then my youngest, "Little Red", is quite upset and wails of distress can be heard for miles around.  She wants a family picture with the van before it goes off to the big salvage yard in the sky.

Giving some love to King Bluey before we say our final goodbyes.

Now, mind you, this van was PAID OFF. A new vehicle was not what we were expecting to pay for right now. The Lord, however, is in control.  This did not surprise Him in the least. God has this, and like with all things we must trust in Him. So, Craig & I start to pray that the Lord will guide us to the right vehicle, one we can afford, one that will be good for our family.  

Things have changed a lot since we bought Ol' King Bluey! I absolutely loved shopping for a new vehicle on the internet and we had one picked out, put on hold, and financed before we changed out of our pajamas on car shopping day.  We've only had it for 6 days, but I already love it.  My girls love it too. Even Little Red.  She likes that the windows roll down and she can wave to each person we pass like she's in a parade (we were down to just 1 window on Ol' Blue) She likes that both doors open automatically (also had been down to 1). This van is black and sparkles green, pink, and gold flecks in the sun.  We have no idea what to name it. I think we need time to get to know it first. I started reading the owner's manual the other day (Yes, I'm a nerd like that). I'm pretty sure our new van has more controls than the first space shuttle.  I'm learning all the features little by little.  The other day it started to sprinkle and my wind shield wipers went off automatically. It started raining harder and they went faster. It has a DVD player and a Blu Ray player.  We don't even have a Blue Ray player in our home.  After reading about the programmable pedal adjusters I became overwhelmed. Now I like to get to carpool early in the afternoon and work on a new feature. Yesterday I programmed all the preset radio stations. Today I'm going to work on setting the clock. Now, that's what I call progress, folks!

So, we are figuring out each day, step by step, feature by feature, and learning the best way to deal with what comes our way. 

    

Still Heather: The journey of a blog title

I've been through quite the round of blog titles.  I liked them when I chose them, but they just didn't feel like me after awhile. One of them involved a roller coaster that I felt I was definitely on and another title involved fashion for the top of your head. I'll just leave that right there.

I've always enjoyed writing in a journal. It tames my swirling thoughts and keeps me from growing overwhelmed.  It is a physical act I do to really hand things over to God.  It encourages me and reminds me of who I am is more than what is happening that day. I think that's why I want to blog. My desire to blog is greater than my discipline, but that is something I'm working on.

I wanted my blog title to reflect who I am more than what I would write about. Though what I wrote about would be important to me too.  I subscribe to the post reminders from the past on my Facebook feed.  This is one that popped up recently that my husband, Craig, had posted 3 years ago.

"On the way home from Wal-Mart I asked Katelyn what she wanted to be when she grew up she replied "still Katelyn" gotta love her"

Yes! Still Katelyn! Isn't that what we all want? To be ourselves.  Now who we are is wrapped up in our experiences.  We, hopefully, mature as we get older and who we are as a 5 year old should not be the same as who we are now, but in this world of trying to keep up, live up, and put up don't we want to be ourselves? Make that the BEST version of ourselves.  Believe me there is so much more that I need to improve on than I don't, but at my core I want to be who God intended me to be.  He did not create me to be someone else.  He wants me to be the BEST version of who He made me. Still Heather!  It's a daily walk with Him. Things to sort out, less of me to show & more of Him, but also staying true to who He made me to be.  I'm thankful that we are not all made from the same cookie cutter.  For the love of a poor metaphor, it makes the cookie plate much more interesting.

So here I stand.  Follower of  Jesus Christ, Wife, Mother, Daughter, Sister, Friend, Teacher....and hopefully,
Still Heather.