To be the girl on the swings again

Last weekend we traveled to my husband's hometown for the National Peanut Festival. The festival is a pretty big deal with concerts and fair rides, pageants, contests, and a parade. The festival is about 2 weeks long with a parade the last Saturday of the festival.

The parade has a gazillion floats and quite a few marching bands. This year the Budweiser Clydesdales were there along with the Wells Fargo Coach & many other beautiful horses.  Since peanuts are a local agricultural crop many pieces of farming equipment from the past & present are represented in the parade, & the men & women of the military marching by brings you to your feet with a lump in your throat, but the highlight of the entire parade is when the cement truck comes rolling down the street kicking off the parade. In it's wake it leaves a trail of roasted peanuts for everyone to run out into the street & gather into their bags. Think pinata without the candy & prizes. Once you get over the fact that the peanuts were in a cement truck & then scooped up from the road you get to crackin' the shells & enjoy their deliciousness. I can imagine those with allergies go out of town that day because there is a haze of that thin peanut paper skin from underneath the shell floating in the air.

After all of that fun comes the one of the two local high school's marching band, followed by the clydesdales (so glad those big bad boys come AFTER the peanuts). and then lots of floats with crowned beauties with titles like Miss Peanut Festival of the Land, Little Miss Peanut Festival of the Land, Miss Teen Peanut Festival of the Land, Ms. Senior Citizen Peanut Festival of the Land.

Mr. Peanut even makes an appearance....looking dapper as always.

The parade really is a lot of fun, but the real fun is to be had at the fair. The festival is a giant fair with blue ribbon recipes, art projects, animals, & a big midway. This was the first time my girls really got to enjoy it. 

Watching them have fun was even more enjoyable then riding the rides myself. 

My Sunshine tries almost everything & has never shown a lot of fear. She rode everything with reckless abandon. Her favorite was the giant swings. She rode them 7 times in a row and would have kept going had I not had her move on. The swings were my favorite as a child too. I remember soaring over the fair, being able to see for miles. I decided I would ride the first time with her. After all she may need a reassuring smile or word from my swing. 

HA! She didn't need me! I on the other hand was a mess. Every tilt of the swing had me holding on tighter, eyes shut tight, praying "Lord, please let me live! Please let the chain hold! Lord, please spare me!"

To be honest I was shocked & appalled, & a little embarrassed by my behavior...by my thoughts. Every few seconds I would try to relax & enjoy the sensation of flying & then the chain would drop & I'd hold on tight (not that that would save me anyway).

So, the last 6 rides, she rode alone, hands outstretched, smile on her face, enjoying every moment of gliding through the air. 

As I sat on the ground I wondered, where did the girl go that enjoyed the moment? When did I replace the thrill of adventure with such fear? It didn't help my nervousness that I was getting a bit nauseous. Then I wondered why I never got sick as on these rides as a kid.  OK, there may have been one time at the Holy Rosary Carnival that I may or may not have lost it on some ride that just wouldn't stop. I was in middle school...no scars of embarrassment there. 

I think part of my fear just part of growing up, after all, more is at stake. I have more people I'm accountable to. I'm a wife, a mother now. It might be the years of watching 20/20 & Dateline.
To be honest I wasn't going to dwell too much on thinking about it. Instead I took joy in THAT moment.  Looking up at my daughter, flying through the air as she imagined she was Peter Pan. Her thrill & happiness took root in my heart as my joy!
I could have watched my daughter soar for hours!

My biggest fans....

So I know it's been a while...a long while. And I could dwell on the fact that I'm a slacker, or my time is gone, but I've just decided to move forward. I've had so many posts I've wanted to write over the last few months, but it just seems to get away from me...and really doesn't that seem to happen to us all?
It happens with friends old & new that you want to see, but days turn into weeks, turn into months, & you realize that it's been a year.
Time flies when you are having fun...when you are just busy, busy, busy....I feel like it's flying by...like I've lost a decade and here I am.
Inhale...Exhale...Tune in.
Sometimes I'm working so hard at making the memory with my girls I forget that simple things like walking through a parking lot hand in hand is the memory. I need to embrace it now. I'm not stating anything new, but this is my moment, my turning. Of course truth be told I've had those moments more than once. This holding on to the truly sacred, not wanting to trade the treasure I have in my family for the cheap & fleeting.
And here I go again down the guilty parent road, plagued with jarring pot holes of time wasted & children growing up faster than I can keep up.

So back to a few weeks ago when we headed to a local high school football game. It was a crazy afternoon. First, went to a birthday party of a good friend at Chuck E. Cheese.  Chuck E. Cheese can send me spiraling down the road of crazy at ridiculous speeds if it's crowded. Fortunately, my friend scheduled the party at a very tame time.  We practically had the place to ourselves & we all  had a great time. We left just after cake, because my girls are serious about their birthday cake consumption and headed to our next activity, High School Football game. Little Sunshine was going to be singing the national anthem with her school during half time. We showed up early for the meet & greet of the band members. The girls were excited & looking forward to seeing the marching band at halftime. Apparently the band was going to form the letters "M" & "O" for the school name.

As we were watching the band play & make formations  Little Red turned to me & asked "When are they going to spell out "MOM"?
My heart melted at that moment.  She didn't think the fanfare was all about the game or about the band, or even her sister singing with her school. The band was going to spell out MOM.
And why wouldn't they, after I'm a pretty big deal in her world. This thought stopped me in mental tracks.

I think about that when I feel like I'm failing...when I'm not doing enough. When I'm feeling ugly on the inside & out. The times I mess it up big time & I ask for forgiveness from my children.  Their love for me is true.  That's what I need to remember. Love abounds!
Now each time I see a band take up the field I'm pretty sure they'll be spelling out MOM before the show is over.

   Kent State University Marching Band Spelling out Mom & Pop. (1950s)
   Credit attributed to Kent State University Office of Public Relations